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Artice Submitter

Joined: 12/17/2011

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Good Chuck Narset Jokes/Facts 12/21/2015 2:00:41 AM

So, because there's nothing more synonymous with geekdom as Magic and Chuck Norris jokes, why not combine the two?

As many will attest, especially in the context of Commander, Narset is a house. And easily, the butt of many potential jokes being the one man army that she is...


1. Mark Rosewater once asked Chuck Norris if he could make a magic card out of his likeness. Chuck Norris refused because there's nothing more American than Chuck Norris. Being the vengeful fanboy that he is, MaRo went on to create a card that spoofed him.

The result was Narset, Enlightend Master.

2. Chuck Narset is so fast she made the Rocky Horror Picture Show do the Time Warp. Again.

3. When God said "let there be light", Chuck Narset attacked for the first time in a turn.

4. Chuck Narset is Darth Vader's mother, and father.

Feel free to come up with your own Chuck Narset jokes/facts.


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Artice Submitter

Joined: 12/17/2011

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Good RE: Chuck Narset Jokes/Facts 12/21/2015 4:57:01 PM

More Chuck Narset jokes/facts....

5. If you can spell Chuck Narset in a game of Scrabble, you get an automatic invite to the Magic Pro Tour. Forever.

6. Chuck Narset has already been to Uranus. She was last there when she kicked it.

7. Chuck Narset has also been to Mars. That's why there's no signs of life.

8. A Klondike Bar would do anything for a Chuck Narset.

9. Chuck Narset once peed into a urinal, while doing a hand stand. It shattered.

10. Chuck Narset doesn't have genitals between her legs. She has a third combat phase.

***If Chuck Norris was ever made into an MTG card, they would NEVER give him first strike.
That's because everyone knows Chuck Norris always strikes first.***


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Artice Submitter

Joined: 12/17/2011

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Good RE: Chuck Narset Jokes/Facts 12/22/2015 6:12:35 AM

What?! More Chuck Narset Jokes and Facts?!? Nooo....

11. Chuck Narset taught the Primeval Titan how to search for land.

12. Chuck Narset is the reason why Teferi was caught in the Time Bubble.

13. Chuck Narset never uses Twitter. That's because she's already following you.

14. Many years ago, Chuck Narset once axe kicked a desert horse for trying to trample her. Their descendants are now known as humpback camels.

15. Chuck Narset doesn't pass stones; she passes boulders.

16. Chuck Narset once convinced the executives at Fox News that Chuck Norris facts were actually real.


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RE: RE: Chuck Narset Jokes/Facts 1/19/2016 7:55:19 AM

17. Chuck Narset can speak in Braille.

18. Chuck Narset once started a fire by putting two sticks between her legs and rubbing them together.

19. Chuck Narset once crank called a Domino's Pizza in Las Vegas using a styrofoam cup and a piece of string. She placed the call from the plane of Tarkir.

20. Chuck Narset once crank called Kevin Nealon, while he was in character as Lou Villman, during an episode of Crank Yankers. She challenged him to a penis measuring contest, in which she claimed to be bigger than him. Since then, Kevin's been only able to say "WOW" during his in character act.

21. Chuck Narset once crank called Moe's Tavern during an episode of The Simpsons. She posed as the Presidential candidate "Deez Nuts" from Iowa.


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Good RE: RE: RE: Chuck Narset Jokes/Facts 1/31/2016 11:01:47 PM

22. The Most Interesting Man In The World finds Chuck Narset more interesting than himself.

23. Chuck Narset doesn't tell the truth. The truth tells Chuck Narset its side of the story out of fear of getting roundhouse kicked.

24. Bo Jackson might know football and baseball, but even Bo don't know Chuck Narset.

25. The only thing that Nicol Bolas and Chuck Narset can agree on is that Jace Beleren is a sexually frustrated emo brat.

26. The chief export of Chuck Narset are game concessions from opponents.


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Good RE: Chuck Narset Jokes/Facts 5/11/2016 11:23:14 PM

What? More Chuck Narset facts and jokes?! Neah.... It can't be...


27. The clues in SOI may point to the fact that Emrakul is hiding on Innistrad, but what they don't point out is that Chuck Narset is the reason why Emrakul is hiding in the Shadows Over Innistrad.

28. Deez Nuts (I-IA.) endorses Chuck Narset for President.

29. Chuck Narset can make Ann Coulter gargle, swish, and spit peanut butter.

30. No one can touch M.C. Hammer, except Chuck Narset.

31. Chuck Narset is the reason why combos were added to street fighting video games.

32. Chuck Narset is the only person in MTG history to have ever won a staring contest with a mirror.

33. Chuck Narset paddles up "S&%#'s Creek" with her bare hands as a hobby.

34. Chuck Narset is the reason why the Vancouver Mulligan rule was created.

35. Chuck Narset's existence is positive proof that lightning can strike twice in the same place.

36. UFO's have never been confirmed on Earth because of their fear of Chuck Narset.

37. Fear of Chuck Norris is rational, but fear of Chuck Narset is the reason people go insane.

38. How much wood can a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck Narset? (Answer: Why would you, ya damn idiot?!?)

39. Asking whether or not Chuck Narset can kill you is like asking Deathstroke if he can do push-ups.

40. Deadpool may be the spoof of Deathstroke and Bob Odenkirk may be the spoof of Chuck Norris, but nobody in their right mind would ever spoof Chuck Narset.

41. "Your face, my home." -- The slogan for Chuck Narset's right fist.

42. To save on overhead expenses, the AMA's Plastic Surgery Board elected recently to outsource all surgeries for people in the poverty bracket to Chuck Narset.

43. Chuck Narset knows when Santa Claus is sleeping.

44. The phrase "your ass is grass" was developed when Chuck Narset killed her first opponent in combat. She killed her opponent by literally shredding her opponent's ass, back, and legs with a push lawnmower.

45. The theory of relativity was first understood and discovered by Albert Einstein when he observed a roundhouse kick from Chuck Narset.

46. The 9th rule of Fight Club is that if you have to fight Chuck Narset, you still lose even if Chuck Narset doesn't win.

47. John Cena can't see Chuck Narset.

48. The Rock suffers from chronic sinus infections from trying to smell what Chuck Narset was cooking.

49. UFC President Dana White once offered Chuck Narset the opportunity to compete in the Men's Division. She politely declined, citing the careers of Kimbo Slice and Brock Lesnar as evidence of their lack of talent acquisition.

50. Chuck Narset is strong enough for a man, and pH balanced for a woman.

51. Donald Trump would build a wall around Chuck Narset.

52. Chuck Narset feels lucky against "Dirty Harry" Callahan.

53. Chuck Narset was the secret that Hillary Clinton was hiding in all those emails.

54. Chuck Narset has been the only one to make Chuck Norris get in touch with his feminine side.

55. The original art on the MTG card 'Savage Punch' was rejected by WOTC because it reflected Chuck Narset donkey punching Surrak Dragonclaw.

56. Chuck Narset is the fourth Eldrazi titan.

57. Chuck Narset has slammed a revolving door.

58. Chuck Narset doesn't take selfles: her aftershadows take selfies for her.

59. When Chuck Narset breaks the law, the law doesn't heal.

60. When Chuck Narset runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

61. That's not an eclipse. That's the sun hiding from Chuck Narset.

62. Blood Moons occur when Chuck Narset roundhouse kicks an army of bad guys into outer space. The resulting splatter is so massive that the moon gets covered when this happens.

63. Chuck Narset is the only MTG character that can actually punch you in the back of your face.

64. Chuck Narset doesn't teabag her enemies: she onionsacks them. (revise this?)

65. The quickest way to a warrior's heart is with Chuck Narset using another man's fist.


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Joined: 12/20/2008

Quote: The Game


RE: RE: Chuck Narset Jokes/Facts 5/12/2016 3:26:05 PM

You're really dedicated to this, aren't ya?


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Artice Submitter

Joined: 12/17/2011

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RE: RE: RE: Chuck Narset Jokes/Facts 5/12/2016 4:48:22 PM

Quoting Raznaak:You're really dedicated to this, aren't ya?

I am at least somewhat serious about this idea. I've been getting positive feedback for this idea.

Are you asking because they aren't funny, in your opinion? If so, I'd like to hear some of your suggestions.

That all said, I have a Narset EDH deck that's going to have proxies made of the actual cards, and the flavor text is going to have these Chuck Narset jokes and facts on them. That's why I am doing this.

(Bear in mind I will still have the actual cards in deck form to prove that I own the actual cards.)


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